101 Ways to Piss Off Your Mentor

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One of the most effective ways to achieve an accelerated level of success is working with a mentor. Someone that has “been there, done that” and can show you the ropes. But if that pesky mentor of yours is making you work too hard or expecting too much from you, here are a couple of things that you can do to piss him or her off.

  1. Ask stupid questions that you could have just Googled
  2. Strongly disagree with their advice
  3. Call them your mentor
  4. If they don’t respond right away, keep calling or texting them until they do
  5. Don’t offer any value in the relationship
  6. Incessantly ask them to Retweet your posts
  7. Make it just about you
  8. Ask for help too soon
  9. Split the check
  10. Ask them to be your mentor as if you were asking your 10th grade crush to the prom
  11. Expect them to do all of the work
  12. Ask “what’s your secret?”
  13. Be late to a call or meeting
  14. Follow them into the bathroom
  15. Don’t actually take their advice, just listen to it
  16. Brag to others publicly about them being your mentor
  17. Ask for their autograph
  18. Steal their ideas or material
  19. Ask what their Klout score is
  20. Use them to get through to someone else
  21. Small talk
  22. Do your homework 10 minutes before your meeting or call
  23. Be ungrateful
  24. Refer to them as Mr. Miagi (That’s right, a Karate Kid reference)
  25. Get a tattoo with their name or likeness
  26. Show them your tattoo with their name or likeness
  27. Be unprepared…once
  28. Call them dude (this applies to other people as well)
  29. Tell them you will “pay them back someday”
  30. Be a suck-up
  31. Be unwilling to try something new or different
  32. Look for any reason to contact them (including, but not limited to, successfully tying your shoes)
  33. Argue with them over their advice
  34. Ask them for a job
  35. Disregard boundaries. Reach out to them whenever you want, especially when they are with their kids
  36. Ask them “what would you do if you were me?”
  37. Be needy
  38. Repost their advice and take credit for it
  39. Assume they are willing to work around your schedule
  40. Waste their time
  41. Don’t take no for an answer
  42. Take no for an answer
  43. If you don’t get a response to your e-mail, keep resending the same e-mail until you do
  44. Don’t say thank you
  45. Tag them in all of your Tweets so they can see what you are up to 24/7
  46. Ask them to sign a written agreement to be your mentor
  47. Start conversations with “can you do me a favor?”
  48. Don’t read any of their books, blogs or articles
  49. Ask more than 10 questions in one e-mail
  50. Use all uppercase when writing to them
  51. Ask them how much money they make
  52. Don’t have any specific outcomes or goals when you start working with them
  53. Say “I owe ya one”
  54. Ask a lot of questions about their personal lives
  55. Don’t take notes and then ask them to refresh your memory a few days later
  56. If they have an event, ask them to get you in for free
  57. Think short term
  58. Don’t learn from your mistakes
  59. Expect them to give you all of the answers
  60. Be a stalker (applies online and in real life)
  61. Curse a lot
  62. Don’t take their advice and then ask for more help
  63. Ask them if they have anything easier you could do instead
  64. Do it a different way
  65. Reply to everything they say with “that’s what you think”
  66. Take creative liberties with your numbers and how things are going
  67. Ask them what career path they think you should take
  68. Be insecure
  69. Respond to their advice with the first thing that comes to mind instead of actually thinking
  70. If you see them at a convention or networking event, don’t leave their side
  71. Call whenever you need something instead of scheduling an appointment
  72. Respond to their advice with “are you sure?!?!”
  73. Don’t take a hint
  74. Be too afraid to try something new or different
  75. Ask them to follow up with an e-mail outlining your conversation
  76. Make sure your palms are nice and clammy when you meet in person
  77. Thank them for their help in public via Twitter or Facebook
  78. Complain about your personal issues
  79. Think of them as your B.F.F.
  80. Have your kids screaming in the background during your call
  81. If they need to cancel an appointment, sound disappointed and give them an attitude about it
  82. Chit-chat (or just use the word chit-chat)
  83. Don’t keep your promises
  84. Do the bare minimum
  85. Have a self-defeated negative attitude
  86. Make a joke out of everything
  87. Assume they are able to work around your schedule
  88. Only share your problems with them, don’t share your successes
  89. Openly question, doubt and challenge all of their advice
  90. Be closed minded
  91. Talk about their spouse and kids to a point where it gets creepy
  92. Whine about how busy you are
  93. Tell them you didn’t have time
  94. Send 25 page updates on your progress instead of a quick outline
  95. Try and be who you think they want you to be instead of being yourself
  96. Only do the things that interest you
  97. Don’t take responsibility for your actions
  98. If they have a blog, communicate directly to them through the comments
  99. Talk to them as though you are looking for a pat on the head
  100. Don’t help promote their new book or initiative
  101. When you finally piss off your mentor and he gives you the opportunity to send 3 text messages as a last ditch effort to redeem yourself before cutting you off, waste the first one by responding “OK” or “Sorry!”
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  • Tunnelbreeze

    “Pesky” doesn’t appear in English but does appear twice on this page I wonder what it means.
     

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Hi Simon! I guess “pesky” is the word of the day for me today! According to dictionary.com it means troublesome or annoying.

  • Tunnelbreeze

    I have come accross “Pesky”  four times in the last 24 hours never having come accross it before. Shakespeare enriched the English language with many new words Marc I am pleased that you take his example. I shall try dropipng it into coversation. I loved this piece by the way. I found it particularly amusing. Thanks for your help on defining the word “Pesky”. The English still tend to want every word to have it’s own little place in The Oxford English Dictionary in which it is given as U.S. slang.