Don’t Tell Me, Let Me Guess…

that-guy
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…this isn’t the post you were looking for, right?

Sorry. I took it down.

You are probably thinking that it is because of some ugly letter I got from an attorney. It’s not. At least not yet anyway. That may change.

The reason I took it down was because the point of my post had been missed and was replaced with a “grab your pitchfork and torch and let’s kill the monster” style response. And I want no part of that.

My purpose is to spread my message to as many people as possible. But not this way. And not this message.

I wrote a post a few weeks ago entitled “From Now On I’m Going to Be a Dick to Everyone I Meet Online” about my neighbor Dick. A warm and welcoming guy. The ambassador of my new neighborhood. And I talked about how I strive to be that person online. To everyone.

Everyone.

Keeping this post up doesn’t allow me to be a Dick. Just a dick.

So, rather than being disappointed that you aren’t able to see the car accident from where you are sitting, I would ask that you read this post instead. That is the message that I want to share with the world. Not the one that you expected to find here.

I hope you can understand.

  • Bayne McLaughlin

    Well done. Keep being a Dick.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Everyday!

  • bvansomeren

    I figured this might happen. Your own followers and subscribers will look at this from the same point as you: How not to market and introduce yourself. This point however is lost on many people and that’s when the pitchforks came out ;)

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Agreed. I just couldn’t feed that mob and live by my own purpose at the same time. So the sleaze lost.

  • Laura Amerman, CFRE

    Kindness is the new cool! Keep raising the bar! Love you!

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks! If I haven’t said it lately your friendship means the world to me. I almost got swept away in it. Keep pushing me to be a better person.

      • Laura Amerman, CFRE

        Awwww! *blush* you, too bro. You’re my favorite non-guru!

  • http://www.lumecluster.com/ Melissa Ng

    You made a great decision. Much respect! Keep being amazing.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Melissa! I appreciate you hanging around through the good times and the bad times :)

  • Paula @ Vintage Kitchen

    And the plot gets better, nice

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      That made me smile…thanks! :)

  • sparklingsoul

    I hate to break it to you, Marc, but the point of your article wasn’t illustrated well by the sample letter you chose. If hundreds of readers responded to you the same way, you need to take responsibility for not describing the car accident clearly.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Fair enough. But let me ask you. Did you have a chance to read it or is your comment based on another article that brought you here? The reason I ask is because I do honestly feel (and so do many of my readers) that my message was clear in the original post. If you look at the comments, it wasn’t until after it went viral that it was taken to an unhealthy place of name calling and self diagnosing that I couldn’t take part in. It’s all a very interesting lesson in psychology.

      As far as taking responsibility, I have. I took the post down voluntarily at the height of its popularity. There was no benefit in my doing that other than the pleasure of a good nights sleep.

  • Tom Jacksonite

    Not a good look Mark especially for someone who is just starting off.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      First, I’m not just starting out. I have been in the industry for over 12 years.

      Second, what’s not a good look? Recognizing that something went too far and adjusting by taking it down? Or is it my glasses? Because if it’s my glasses, I would have to respectfully disagree. I like my glasses.

      • Tom Jacksonite

        Oh ok sorry Marc. Your a gentleman and a scholar!

        • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

          I wouldn’t go that far.

  • San Fran

    Thanks Marc…I get what you’re trying to do…most sensible, non-self centered, non-materialistic people will :)

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you San Fran!

  • Fangfingers

    Great, great.. i HAVE limited time ..near death ( at my age odds say i’ll die before you …but you obviously don’t give a squat about that MR.Goodness. You didn’t consider that when devising your selfish mission statement did you ?) … I follow a link to finish MY mission…and i get detoured by a noofus whose on his own mission. ( you remind me of an episode of the Little Rascals when they were trying to get out of something and would only tell the adults they had to be excused because of ” IMPORTANT BUSINESS” )
    I like the old days when: “I think ..Therefore I am” …had more altruism potential than… “I stink…..Therefore I scam ”
    copyright /Fangfingers/2013

    • Fangfingers

      So thanks for ignoring my dialog….it’s very telling as to your deepest nature…

      So that this doesn’t happen to what time i have left to me in the future ..( a point no seems to want to integrate properly ) …Are you Nina Bahadur too?… …or in cahoots with her?… Or did you just hi-jack the link in an act of self-promoting, self-justifiable, social-Darwinism?

      • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

        I was not ignoring you. I just chose to spend time with my family as opposed to being online today. Sometimes it’s important to recharge your batteries.

        With that said, I truly wish you the best. Whatever differences you have with me right now pale in comparison with the idea that you may be near death and I prefer to be respectful of your situation and wish you well.

        • Fangfingers

          i posted YESTERDAY…and you didnt answer my question…you evaded it ….
          You suckered people with a false link for your own edification and you dont get that wastes my time?

          Im near death because IM OLDER than you ..get it? i dont have time to waste on bullshit. Youre mission interfered with mine get it … my mission was to finish reading the rest of the link i was lied to about…. Its not amusing..it doesn’t deserve applause and kudos… It’s no interesting revelation of modern social behavior..Short and simple…you need to be slapped in the face….Hows that for a pitchfork?

          • Granny

            Just go find it elsewhere. It’s on the net. All over it. You can find it if you truly want to. Or is your mission just to be a dick? I am most likely going to die before you and found it in three places. Go forth and complete your mission elsewhere. Try being a Dick instead with what time you have left. Age doesn’t give you a free pass on manners.

          • Fangfingers

            oh oh you said “dick”.

            Manners would be answering my question …which you have avoided twice now.
            Something to hide is the birth of snide.
            I remember back when the Romans were feeding christians to the lions. One day ..one of the “entrances” was hijacked by some self-delusional do-gooder and when you entered you didnt end up in the coliseum…you ended up in some unqualified therapy session to try and take bloodlust out of the human equation.
            You arent fresh enuff junior.

            And just for the record?..i shouldnt have to re-search for something i’ve already found dunderhead..THAT’S a waste of precious moments. Respect the finite length of life, even by added up wasted seconds and become the time-Gandhi of the internet. Far more worth while endeavor doofus.

          • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

            I haven’t been called a doofus since third grade. Thank you for bringing back such fond memories!

          • Her Grumpiness

            If you’re really that close to death and don’t have time for BS, why are you wasting your time complaining about it? Shouldn’t you be doing bucket list things like going to Tahiti or jumping out of an airplane or something?

            The guy who wrote this article doesn’t need a lesson on manners…you do.

  • just a girl

    While I did come here after reading an article that referred to this page, I thought their article was kind of stupid. I don’t see why they really care what the guy is looking for in a girl. I certainly am not the kind of girl he’s looking for but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish him well in his search. I was actually coming to see if their was something I was missing. Other than the fact that he seemed to have chosen a poor medium for his quest, I don’t see what the big deal is about what he’s looking for. It might be hard for him to find, but why do people care if it’s his fantasy? As long as he didn’t say anything angry or offensive, I don’t understand why people feel outraged. If they were looking for a mate wouldn’t they also have a list of things they would want to see in that person? I do. Mine tend more toward hiking and fishing, but hey we all have our list, don’t we? I would think it more strange to not have one.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      A refreshing take on it, thank you! The point of the post was about how we network by looking to take from others instead of give to others. A common theme in many networking groups but few networkers actually live by it. The portion of the email on my post was used as an extreme example of this. Eventually it became all about the author and content of the email and not about the message of the post.

      • just a girl

        That sounds like it would have been an interesting article. It can work both ways. I know there are times when I have looked for answers on a forum and felt kind of bad because that’s all I did was asked, thanked them, and moved on. On the other hand I’ve done that for people too, though it kind of becomes overwhelming pretty rapidly until if you tried to answer everything asked of you would have to have several clones around to keep up. lol I just had a little forum and ended up abandoning it because it got to overwhelming. I can’t imagine how horrible it must be for people that are well known.

        As to the pitchforks, I think people take it personally. I’ve seen posts on personals that people get angry like that too. Like how dare they ask for so much. Or perhaps they think if the person that posts the ad doesn’t
        describe them, that they are somehow slighting them and are offended.

  • Krista

    I clicked on the link for a shallow piece of entertainment and was pleasantly surprised to find a thoughtful and poignant interpretation of the incident.

    I have very recently started wrestling with SEO for a tiny business I opened this summer. I felt grateful that the powers of the universe shined on me that morning during my “tabloid internet” time and led me to the doorstep of the information I really needed. I read the Search Engine Humanization book in one sitting. It resonated with me.

    The fact that you are living out your words makes me respect you that much more. I look forward to following your blog!

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Krista! And welcome to my neighborhood! :)

  • stargirl18

    I’m proud of you, and I give you large amounts of kudos for being an amazingly decent human being. You’re a rare species, sir, and I give you my respect for it.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Ahhhhh…this comment just made my day. Thank you so much! Wow.

      • stargirl18

        You’re very welcome! :) I’m very glad to hear that I could make your day by speaking the truth of my thoughts. :)

  • Jen

    I didn’t see your original post, Marc, but I did click through from another article discussing the email. I admire your decision to remove the original post, and I enjoyed (and shared) your Dick post. Thanks for making me think this afternoon.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Jen! I feel like a broken record, but I really appreciate the support!

  • Kelly

    I admittedly came here following a link from another article, swept up in the story without even realizing it. You really opened my eyes today. It’s extremely important to be reminded of the power of the internet and the media on our perceptions of the world. I feel, sometimes, like I’m almost on autopilot while browsing through various articles. Although I consider myself to be a critical thinker, it’s actually quite frightening to realize the journey a person embarks upon when they enter into the realm of internet based media. I don’t think I even realized that I had clicked on the link to your blog until I actually got here; it was just the logical thing to do having finished the article before. Had you kept your original post up, I’m sure I would have continued to read it under the slight bias of the previous article, actually running the risk of missing the point of your entry entirely. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. We need to all take a step back and make wiser and more beneficial decisions.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Kelly!! Its nice to hear that viewpoint!

  • Kat

    I’m sorry that your post was taken for something other than the entertainment value that was intended. Good job for standing up for your intentions.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks Kat!

  • Kara Larson

    I read and commented on the post. Now that I read Dick, I understand the point. You meant well and some of us laughed at him (I just thought of the horrible narcissistic men I’ve been wronged by) and took it wrong and too far. You are right to take it down. And right to try and be a Dick. I am humbled and have strived to be better and was not. I too, want to be a Dick. Good post!

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks! The good thing about screwing up is that there is always tomorrow!

  • http://occamsrazr.com Ike Pigott

    Sorry, Marc, but I don’t think that was the right course.

    If people were getting the wrong lesson(s) from it, you need to articulate it better.

    Your number one Sin here wasn’t in posting the letter — it was turning to the community for answers. The last line of your piece was an invitation to the crowd to tell you what all was wrong with the approach. You ended up attracting a stampede more interested in the cheap cupcakes in the window than the quality meat in the back.

    The answer?

    Put the post back up — with a curated selection of the comments that were on point, along with a brief explanation. Then disable comments completely.

    The Social Media Gooroo Rockstar Ninja Wannabes might have a conniption over your closing of the thread, but this isn’t about following the rules of an unruly mob. It’s about doing the right thing.

    Taking it down doesn’t really solve the issue either — because those who wanted to read it or were pointed this way will just look for an archived copy elsewhere. You have the number one destination for this letter. Own it, and make it instructive not just for how to *not* promote yourself — but also for having the mastery and sense of how to use technology to instruct.

    That’s what a Dick would do.

    • http://occamsrazr.com Ike Pigott

      (right after I posted this comment, the page re-set to your bio box, where I see you also called out the gooroos, rockstars and ninjas by name. eerie, and could not be more perfect.)

      • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

        Insert twilight zone theme here.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      You might be right. I don’t know. All I know is that the level of hatred that was being spewed not just on is site but countless others was not something that was in line with my purpose. Believe me, it was a tough decision. Bloggers dream of getting a hit that big. Giving it up broke my heart. I still think it was the right thing to do, although that evil piece of me still wonders…

  • Choo-choo_kitty

    Put it back up. My friends and I think this guy sounds perfect for us and want to make sure at least one of us meets his criteria.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      With a name like Choo Choo Kitty, I don’t think it’s going to work out.

  • Peter
    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Good thing my Belgian is a bit rusty.

  • http://Success-Matters.com/ Claire Boyles

    I got caught up in being shocked by the content and the person himself, when I read it. It was such an extreme example of someone using networking as a way to get something he wanted, I left a comment which didn’t focus on that point either.

    It was hard not to have a dropped jaw at the detail he laid out, and the presumption that anyone would be interested in helping him, based on having met him for a few brief moments at a networking event.

    I love you point, I did get it, but the emotional response for me came from the agogness I experienced.

    I make the same point all the time, to my own clients, and I’ll often give them “The Go-Giver” (By John David Mann & Bob Burg) to help them understand that actually, what’s more important when building business relationships is what you give to others.

    It’s a good call to take it down, kudos to you.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you! I appreciate the support! You are the third or fourth person that has told me to get that book! It’s on my list!

  • R.

    I never read the original article and got here through another. Never having read the original letter, I did read the few lines posted in my newspaper. My sister is still single and we often comment on how high her “standards” have become through the years. I don’t see it as a bad thing, as we get older we get a different look at things and it’s just much easier in your teens of early twenties to kiss a good looking guy without thinking of the consequences! I’m sure my sister and the guy you mentionned will forget about all this as soon as they meet the right person.

    I would have loved reading your original post, but the Internet is a strange thing and I respect your decision.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      The truth is the post was more about the network aspect of the letter but the sensationalism of the content took over. You didn’t miss much. ;)

  • Greg Condon

    Thats pretty funny that you read the entire comment ( according to you one of the longest) even though you did not care!? Its just like Howard Stern haters that listened to him the longest (early in his career) because he had a different viewpoint.
    The world is a big place and not everybody lives their life according to your routine and your rules…..

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      I have no idea what you are talking about. I think I missed something…

  • Almeda Golden

    Dude. You? Are awesome. This post originally got me to read your blog. The retraction? Will probably have me returning to it. You’re right. I think all of us, provided the resources and know-how, should try to be the biggest Dicks we can.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Dudette. You? Just made me feel even awesomer!! I really appreciate it more than you know.

  • CBOK

    I was also forwarded to your page with a “taste” of what was posted. I wasn’t looking to “grab a pitchfork” at all. I had read enough and actually felt bad for the guy who has yet to learn that there is no such thing as “perfect”. I also wanted to see who would toss someone they knew under the bus like that… Good choice to take it down and nice replacement… The silver lining – you have a new follower.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks!! I appreciate the support more than you know!

  • Ree

    Someone sent me a link to this page, and I must say… you’ve just made my day. I think I’ll spend the rest of my day actively being a Dick as well.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Ree! You just made my day!!

  • http://milaspage.com/ Mila Araujo

    Nice work :) #thatisall

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Mila! It was a really tough call so I appreciate the support!

  • Fred

    Wow, just started reading some of your stuff. Very cool, I’m a fan. Rock on.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks Fred!!! Don’t be a stranger!

  • matt

    anyone have a mirror/archive link?

  • Laurie Aldieri Daher

    It’s a good thing he requires someone who is altruistic, because she would have to be in order to put up with him. Besides, his ego is big enough for the both of them.

  • Laurie Aldieri Daher
  • http://www.iheavy.com/blog/ Sean Hull

    Bravo Marc. Let’s leave the mudslinging to those who do it best.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks for “getting it” Sean!!

  • Sharon Black

    Actually, the interesting thing is, I didn’t come to be angry at a guy or mudsling. I came to see the narcissism for myself. Tragically, not enough people do before they’re embroiled in bitter and abusive relationships/divorces. So much more awareness could be made available to people who really don’t know what they’re looking at until it’s too late. The true, disordered narcissist is crafty and charismatic. He can spot his game across the room and bait her without much work at all. He knows just what to say and will say what it takes because it’s a cycle with them, as I heard someone put it recently; elevate, degrade, devalue, discard (and sometimes destroy if you’ve somehow caused a narcissist injury or shame, even if only perceived).

    There are warning signs, though, and honestly, it sounded like that letter was one GLARING sign for any/every woman to take note of!! I understand and commend you for your thinking. If only waves of people were out there doing the same… I suppose it has to start somewhere. I just wish something so rare as a narcissist showing his colors BEFORE the harm begins wasn’t being kept from unsuspecting people that could benefit from it.

  • http://www.theq411.com Jennifer Quinn

    Beautiful! I want to be a Dick to everyone online, too! EVERYONE! Thanks for the inspiration!

  • t mv

    Thank you for that ! You are so right ! My mission of late is to always try to be kind and say nice things to EVERYONE when I can , and you would be amazed at how you can turn a situation around , so thank you.

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  • Cihan

    I am a bit surprised because I meet his criteria to the dot…but he doesn’t meet mine: I.e. Humility.

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