I want to be huge. An authority. I want 100,000 or more readers subscribing to my blog. A book on the New York Times Bestseller list. A sold out audience. I want to be able to tweet what I had for lunch and have thousands of people retweet it or ask me how it was.
I want to make a difference. I want to help change your life. And in doing so, I want you to help change mine. I want to leave my footprint on this planet.
I Want it All. And I Want it Right Now.
That’s the voice that I hear in my head. Everyday. The voice that I feed every time I sit in front of the computer to write. The voice that believes in the myth of being an overnight success and the voice that sometimes gets abusive towards me for taking longer. It’s the voice that keeps me up at night. Planning. Thinking. Scheming.
The voice that doesn’t want to wait anymore.
I’ve Heard This Voice Before
It’s the same voice that pushed me to graduate a four year college in three years. The same voice that would not let me give up until I was performing on Broadway. That helped me start my own company and sign my first client. And of course the same voice that convinced me to start writing this blog.
It’s also the same voice is that is going to make me doubt whether this post is good enough right before I publish it. Questioning whether it should be more about you and less about me. The same voice that is uncomfortable with how vulnerable I feel reading this out loud.
A Blessing and a Curse
This voice is the reason for my success. But responsible for everything I missed along the way. It is always pushing me forward. Making sure I am one step ahead. Keeping me so focused on tomorrow that I sometimes don’t even realize it is still today.
And so, I spend my life impatient. Very impatient. With everything.
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you can actually taste it? Well, being impatient is whatever comes after that.
It’s Not Always a Good Thing
Left unchecked, being impatient can cause you to lose your focus. Get frustrated. Overwhelmed. It can create doubt. It can convince you that what you are going after is not worth the effort. It can cause you to give up. Move on. It can help you find an excuse to make it OK that you have taken yourself out of the game.
Or it can drive you so hard that you miss out on the reward. The cherry on top. The icing on the cake. And that’s what being impatient has done for me.
Maybe it’s because I’m turning 40 in about a week and that’s causing me to reflect. Or maybe you really do get wiser with age. I don’t know. What I do know is that I have accomplished a lot in my time on this planet. But there is one thing that I have failed at. And it’s the most important thing. I have never celebrated. I have planted the most beautiful roses but never stopped to admire them. I never smelled a single one.
Until Right Now
This very moment. Everything changes.
I still want to be huge. An authority. I still want 100,000 or more readers subscribing to my blog. A book on the New York Times Bestseller list. A sold out audience. I still want to be able to tweet what I had for lunch and have thousands of people retweet it or ask me how it was.
I still want to make a difference. I still want to help change your life. And in doing so, I still want you to help change mine. I still want to leave my footprint on this planet.
I still want it all. But this time, I can wait.
This time I am going to enjoy it. Breath it in. Taste it.
This Time I Am Going to Celebrate
I am going to celebrate every new subscriber leading up to 100,000. I am going to celebrate every page that I write, knowing it will someday be on The New York Times Bestseller list. I am going to celebrate every person that I have the privledge of speaking in front of.
I am going to make sure that this time it is different.
I learned that it’s not about the prize. It’s the path you take to get there. Your journey. What the experience makes of you. It was a tough lesson. Don’t look back wishing that you had paid closer attention. Or were more present.
Be patient. Have faith. Celebrate. And enjoy every single second with me. Starting right now.
Featured image courtesy of wetsun licensed via Creative Commons.