I Want It All and I Want It Right Now!

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I want to be huge. An authority. I want 100,000 or more readers subscribing to my blog. A book on the New York Times Bestseller list. A sold out audience. I want to be able to tweet what I had for lunch and have thousands of people retweet it or ask me how it was.

I want to make a difference. I want to help change your life. And in doing so, I want you to help change mine. I want to leave my footprint on this planet.

I Want it All. And I Want it Right Now.

That’s the voice that I hear in my head. Everyday. The voice that I feed every time I sit in front of the computer to write. The voice that believes in the myth of being an overnight success and the voice that sometimes gets abusive towards me for taking longer. It’s the voice that keeps me up at night. Planning. Thinking. Scheming.

The voice that doesn’t want to wait anymore.

I’ve Heard This Voice Before

It’s the same voice that pushed me to graduate a four year college in three years. The same voice that would not let me give up until I was performing on Broadway. That helped me start my own company and sign my first client. And of course the same voice that convinced me to start writing this blog.

It’s also the same voice is that is going to make me doubt whether this post is good enough right before I publish it. Questioning whether it should be more about you and less about me. The same voice that is uncomfortable with how vulnerable I feel reading this out loud.

A Blessing and a Curse

This voice is the reason for my success. But responsible for everything I missed along the way. It is always pushing me forward. Making sure I am one step ahead. Keeping me so focused on tomorrow that I sometimes don’t even realize it is still today.

And so, I spend my life impatient. Very impatient. With everything.

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you can actually taste it? Well, being impatient is whatever comes after that.

It’s Not Always a Good Thing

Left unchecked, being impatient can cause you to lose your focus. Get frustrated. Overwhelmed. It can create doubt. It can convince you that what you are going after is not worth the effort. It can cause you to give up. Move on. It can help you find an excuse to make it OK that you have taken yourself out of the game.

Or it can drive you so hard that you miss out on the reward. The cherry on top. The icing on the cake. And that’s what being impatient has done for me.

Maybe it’s because I’m turning 40 in about a week and that’s causing me to reflect. Or maybe you really do get wiser with age. I don’t know. What I do know is that I have accomplished a lot in my time on this planet. But there is one thing that I have failed at. And it’s the most important thing. I have never celebrated. I have planted the most beautiful roses but never stopped to admire them. I never smelled a single one.

Until Right Now

This very moment. Everything changes.

I still want to be huge. An authority. I still want 100,000 or more readers subscribing to my blog. A book on the New York Times Bestseller list. A sold out audience. I still want to be able to tweet what I had for lunch and have thousands of people retweet it or ask me how it was.

I still want to make a difference. I still want to help change your life. And in doing so, I still want you to help change mine. I still want to leave my footprint on this planet.

I still want it all. But this time, I can wait.

This time I am going to enjoy it. Breath it in. Taste it.

This Time I Am Going to Celebrate

I am going to celebrate every new subscriber leading up to 100,000. I am going to celebrate every page that I write, knowing it will someday be on The New York Times Bestseller list. I am going to celebrate every person that I have the privledge of speaking in front of.

I am going to make sure that this time it is different.

I learned that it’s not about the prize. It’s the path you take to get there. Your journey. What the experience makes of you. It was a tough lesson. Don’t look back wishing that you had paid closer attention. Or were more present.

Trust me.

Be patient. Have faith. Celebrate. And enjoy every single second with me. Starting right now.

Featured image courtesy of wetsun licensed via Creative Commons.

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  • Dad

    Marc, you’ve heard the story of the rabbit and the tortoise. Slow and steady wins the race.
    DAD

  • http://www.websitebegin.com Joe Boyle

    This entire post reminded me of that great quote by Bob Dylan in his song Mr.Tambourine Man – “Let me forget about today until tomorrow”. It also reminded me of a mini-documentary of Steve Job’s company called NeXT where, when being told the problems of no budget for marketing, he said, “Fu** everything after shipment – just look to shipment.” I still like Bob’s quote better.

    I think I can really relate to this entire post because I kind of felt it recently. I’m a lot younger than you (most people are – just kidding, of course), but I think I’ve been living inside this dream for quiet some time. People are calling me genius and I’m just here thinking, “Well, where was I when I became a genius? I don’t recall”. It’s sort of scary to think that I’ve been sidetracked so much by this whole goal I’ve been working towards that I can’t even hold bearing to the accomplishments I’ve reached.

    Marc, 100,000 subscribers? I think I’ll wait until you hit 99,999 then subscribe – it’ll be more fun that way.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      I’m going to buy you a book of quotes from everyone but Steve Job’s. Gotta get you some new material! You are at the point of your life that I wish someone gave me this advice, so I’m going to pass it along. Ready? Here it goes. Slow the fuck down and enjoy it.

      (Don’t think I didn’t catch the old man joke. I’m letting it go. This time.)

      • http://www.websitebegin.com Joe Boyle

        Marc, don’t be so foolish. I have memorized quotes on tons of people. All of the Beatles, all of Pink Floyd, a lot of Einstein & Hawking. I have hundreds of quotes memorized. I just choose to tell you the ones about Steve Jobs. I think you like them. Maybe not.

        Well, Marc. I’m just watching the wheels go by. Get that reference? John Lennon, right there. I’m doing just fine at the pace I’m going. ;)

        And, good. Wasn’t sure if your eyesight was going with your old-age. Er. Uh. Ooops.

        • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

          Gosh darn kids today.

          • http://www.websitebegin.com Joe Boyle

            Don’t act like you’re not impressed. (that’s you’re cue, Will Farell)

  • themightyrenegade

    Dude, your dad posted. That’s awesome. Hey Marc’s dad! My mom posted on my site on one of my articles too. Marc, I hope you get there. I wrote an article yesterday and mentioned you. With so many people doing this, you’re the rare find. You actually respond and connect. I hope that when you do get huge, you don’t ever stop that. That’s what my article was about yesterday. It probably reads dour, but the point was that there are too few Marcs and too many of the ‘others’.
    I’m going to keep pushing to get people like you the attention that they (you) deserve.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Oh might one. How cool…what an honor to not only be mentioned on your blog but in the same breath with such good company. I mean for Chris Guillebeau to be considered to be on the same playing field as me? HA!

      In all seriousness, I think this is one of my favorite comments that I have gotten to date. I spend a lot of time and energy putting myself out there because I really want to make a difference. It’s really cool when I hear that all that effort has translated outside of my little world. Thanks as always!

  • http://pegfitzpatrick.com/ Peg Fitzpatrick

    So you are the Veruca Salt of blogging?

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      More like the Pussycat Dolls (except the part where they say they want to have boobies): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0K46C82v9o

      • http://pegfitzpatrick.com/ Peg Fitzpatrick

        *dance break*
        Enjoy the journey, Marc. You will get there soon enough. :)

        • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

          Great. Now I have that song stuck in my head. Crud.

          • http://pegfitzpatrick.com/ Peg Fitzpatrick

            Me too!

          • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

            Me three!

  • http://www.facebook.com/mdrody Matt Rody

    I am doing exactly what you are saying, but with the birth of my new son!!!! Good words Marc!!! I love it!

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      I saw your post on Facebook! So happy for you! Time sure flies doesn’t? It feels like we just “met” yesterday and here you are having kids already!

  • http://www.drmichellemazur.com/ Michelle_Mazur

    I needed to read this today. I’m impatient. I want it all right now too! I get easily frustrated at set backs, and I don’t spend enough time celebrating the victories. I need to celebrate successes more and let go of set back more quickly (as I am still going to be annoyed by them). Patience is key (I wish I could buy some)!

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Sounds like we’re both cut from the same cloth! It takes constant effort for me. Some of the stuff I write about is because it is something that I need to work on…this is one of them!

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