An Open Letter to the Person that Keeps Inviting Me to Facebook Events that are 3,000 Miles Away

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Dear person that keeps inviting me to Facebook events that are 3,000 miles away,

I want to thank you. Yes, that’s right. I said thank you. It used to be that life was boring. My schedule was filled with such time wasters as speaking engagements, meetings, date nights with my wife, school concerts with my kids and a host of other personal and business related events. Quite frankly, it was just one big yawn-fest.

Until now, that is. Thanks to you.

You see, since randomly chosing me to be your friend on Facebook, life has not been the same. You have added a level of excitement and adventure that I apparently could not find elsewhere. Without even knowing me you have filled a void that has been empty for years. Brightening up my already busy schedule with an array of different events like some coked up event planner sent from heaven.

Just look at today for example. Instead of having to spend time with my family this evening, I am attending that “Facebook Etiquette” seminar you just invited me to! Now, I know what you’re thinking:

“But it’s 3,000 miles away and starts in 2 hours!”

Well, don’t worry! I will somehow find a way to get there. Even if it’s not physically possible.

I only hope that event is half as much fun as the speed dating event you threw last week! I didn’t sleep for days in anticipation of that one. Which reminds me, if you could avoid mentioning that to my wife, I would really appreciate it!

The truth is, each morning I am giddy with anticipation as I login to Facebook to see what far away land you will be sending me off to. Or not. Maybe instead you will throw another one of your must attend “Like My Facebook Page” events. Or perhaps a replay of your “Rack ‘em Up: Breast Feeding Basics” webinar that you invited me to a while back. It wasn’t quite as awkward for me as one might think.

Now, I know not everyone appreciates the complete and utter disregard that you have for your Facebook friends like I do. But please don’t let that stop you! Deep down inside we all want to be invited to each of your events. Even if it appears that we can’t make it. Even if the subject matter is not intended for our gender. Even if our spouses would rather us not attend a singles event.

It makes us feel special that you would be thinking of us personally when you click that “Invite All” button.

In fact, if you could somehow create an event for everything you do throughout the day, consider me an automatic yes!!

And don’t give in to the pressure you may be feeling from some of the Facebook Gurus out there suggesting that you change your ways. They are wrong!

They don’t know you like I don’t know you!

They don’t know the joy your incessant invitations bring to our lives. So, whatever you do, don’t stop.

Don’t stop blindly inviting all of your Facebook friends to your events. Just because we’re not a good match doesn’t mean that we don’t want to stop everything in our lives to attend your event. Your lack of thought when inviting us have a way of making us smile.

Don’t stop inviting us to events that are merely a disguise for something that you want us to do. The only thing more fun than liking your new Facebook page or following you on Twitter is putting it on our calendar and sharing it with hundreds of your other friends.

Don’t stop inviting us to that weekly yoga class you throw every monday night. Just because we have said no every monday for the past 6 months does not mean we won’t be at the next one! Keep them coming!

Don’t stop publishing just your events. The last thing you want to do is actually help promote someone else’s event or connect two of your Facebook friends that would make for a good match. That might actually be seen as considerate or valuable and then your other friends might start to expect that of you on a regular basis. And that’s the last thing you need!

Don’t stop inviting us to events that we would normally have no interest in. That cervical cancer support group you have me attending has changed my life forever! If it wasn’t for you, I never would have known!

Don’t stop being impersonal in your invitations to us. Nothing makes us feel more special than an invitation addressed to “Hello Friend” or “Dear Sir/Madam”. We hear our name enough times in a day. And don’t for a second think that we would appreciate you mentioning other people that we’re friends with that are attending the event too so we feel as though you actually gave this some thought.

Don’t stop having faith that this strategy is going to work. Because if there is anyone out there that can fill a room with people by putting in absolutely no effort into it whatsoever, it is Y-O-U!

And so I end this letter filled with gratitude for the day that you chose to click that “Add as Friend” button under my picture and change my life forever. It is a day I will cherish for years to come. I’m sure I will see you at one of the dozens of events you invited me to this week!

Hugs and kisses,

Marc

Featured image courtesy of janoma.cl licensed via Creative Commons.

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  • Walker McKay

    Pussy

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Well played Walker. Well played.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kindra.svendsen Kindra Svendsen

    hahaha literally made me laugh out loud!

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thank you Kindra! It was actually quite ironic. The same day I posted this I was invited to an event for a women’s boutique in Chicago (I’m in New Jersey…and I’m a guy…and I don’t cross dress…especially when I’m in Chicago). You can’t make thi stuff up!

  • Simon Thompson

    Inadvertantly click to say you are going to attend and be prepared for a rap on the kuckles a few weeks later when you get a message to check if you a still coming. “A slip of the mouse?” . St Marc of Social Media has worked another miracle . Very entertaining. Spot on old chap.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Old chap?!? You’re older than me, so if I’m “old chap” than that makes you “older chap” so I suggest you reconsider. Think about it while on your fancy shmancy vacation and get back to me.

  • http://www.ericpbutts.com/ EB

    This post was particularly timely because it reminds of a particular in-person rant I went on yesterday about the invites to feed people’s sheep on Farmville, an equally annoying side effect of going onto Facebook to actually see what’s going on in the world. I don’t even play Farmville*!! Who am I, though, to question this strategy that’s CLEARLY tried and true by the seasoned promoters out there? I’m just a lowly accountant using logic to go about my daily life. As funny as this is, it’s actually kind of sad. I wonder what the odds are of getting invited to something that actually makes sense for you. I think I have maybe 2 of those under my belt since joining FB. Not good.

    *I’ve since blocked the app (and Mafia Wars)

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      That whole FarmVille thing is a blog post in and of itself!! That’s something I will never understand! I mean, why would anyone trade a sheep for a cow? What good are sheep aside from maybe making a nice sweater or something. Who’s with me?

      • http://xeeme.com/juliaserafina Julia Serafina

        Hi Marc, Ummmm maybe they want beef for dinner instead of lamb or mutton? ha ha….

  • Lynn

    I’m with Kindra. I laughed out loud and I’ve read this aloud to my friends… You made my day, and theirs.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks Lynn!! I hope you guys weren’t drinking milk at the time!

  • http://twitter.com/vazquezarvizu Eduardo Vázquez

    Marc, congratulations for your way of making engagement, this is the first post I read from you and even that I already put this in practice, the ironic way you tell it makes a lot of sense. It would be great for brand managers to understand that buying likes o followers is just like going to the store and buy all your products in order to achieve your sale goals.

    Thanks a lot. I use to share digital marketing posts and I`ll keep an eye on your posts and share them in my twitter account @vazquezarvizu

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Thanks Eduardo! So happy to welcome you here! I will do my best to keep things interesting for you! If I don’t, feel free to call me out on it! I can take it!

  • http://twitter.com/reneedobbs Renee Dobbs

    I live in Atlanta and keep getting invites to wine tastings in California. As much as I would love to hop on a plane every week for some wine or a chance to meet a celebrity like Fabio I have to decline. It would be great if folks would only send the invites to those who are in close proximity.

    #12Most fellow blogger/writer

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      We clearly have two completely different definitions of the word “celebrity”…Fabio a celebrity!?! I don’t think so. Fabio is a SUPERSTAR!

  • http://xeeme.com/juliaserafina Julia Serafina

    Hi Marc, Here I am at your blog!! Have had a bit of a chuckle so far (still have a few other posts I want to read). I mostly get invited to play games (although I am no green thumb and my vege patch died ages ago)… or to attend virtual celebrations of eclipses and full moons.. at like, 2.00am in the morning…which is fine…(hey I have a tendency to be a night owl). :)

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      Oh man…I never get invited to virtual full moons. I guess I’m just not popular enough!!!

  • http://twitter.com/MattLBrennan Matt Brennan

    I have to say, I’m a little disappointed in this post, Marc. I mean, now I have to take you off the list for my basket weaving event in Chicago. Ha! Awesome post. Really.

    • http://www.marcensign.com/blog Marc Ensign

      You had me for a second there! But if you ever throw a basket weaving webinar, COUNT. ME. IN.